Do you have behaviours that you don’t seem to have any control over? They just come along and show their face before you have a second to even think about what you are doing. You don’t want them to be there anymore, don’t want to deal with the embarrassment and frustration when they do come along, and wish you could learn how to get rid of them? To address these unwanted repeat behaviours, you need to understand their root causes before you can implement strategies to change them.
Why? Often they have what we call in coaching ‘secondary gain’. A specific purpose, that somewhere way back when, your protective unconscious brain has decided it HAS TO DO to stay safe. So, just stripping out a habit, behaviour or even a compulsion before exploring the purpose and safety can be dangerous and create a replacement habit. For example, how often do people quit smoking and put on weight, essentially they’ve swapped one coping strategy for another!
As a Deep Structure Coach there is a specific process I use and teach my Coach Students to help long lasting, ecological behaviour change… Some of these are here for you.
Identify the triggers
When do these unwanted behaviours take place, what situations are you in? What emotions are you feeling? What thoughts are you having? Recognising triggers is the first step to understanding and managing them, so try and keep a diary of when they occur and what instances have happened before them.
Understand the patterns
It’s a good idea to track when and how often the behaviour occurs as this can reveal patterns that shed light on why it’s happening. Keep a record of dates, along with the triggers and outcomes of how you feel after you have used the pattern, so you can see patterns emerging and start to recognise when it might be happening again.
Explore the underlying reasons
Now you have spent time tracking the unwanted behaviours, can you notice any underlying emotions, beliefs or needs that are driving them? Quite often, repeated actions stem from having needs that are unmet, or emotions that are unresolved.
Seek professional support
Having someone like me, a qualified Coach to talk to will give you fresh perspectives, acceptance and support in breaking these habits.
Replace the behaviour with a positive alternative
In some cases, replacing the unwanted behaviour with a positive one can make the new positive behaviour banish the unwanted one. For instance, if you find that stress is a trigger for unhealthy eating, try substituting it with a healthier coping mechanism like exercise or meditation.
Be patient and be persistent
Removing your unwanted behaviours could take time and effort, especially if you are trying to tackle it on your own! Be patient and kind with yourself, keep working at it to notice and understand, and make sure you celebrate all the small shift victories along the way.
Working out the “why” is crucial in effectively addressing and altering unwanted behaviours, to book a laser coaching session with me, visit www.VivienneJoy.com